I've had a lot stewing in my mind the last couple of weeks. You see, I spent 2 days at home with my folks helping my Mother who is overwhelmed with caring for others right now.
She's got my Dad with a broken, non-weight bearing leg. She's got my grandparents. One with dementia the other who is physically ailing.
Grandpa had to go see the eye dr. about getting a cataract removed. Grandma, who has dementia, was to stay home, but can't stay at home. And Dad--wouldn't be able to pick her up if she fell, and she's always driven him nuts. So I was the designated babysitter. Mom of course, had to take Grandpa to the Dr.
It's an odd feeling knowing you are babysitting the person who babysat you 30 years ago. It's strange to have to finally admit that Grandma has dementia. It's really hard for me to admit and accept that my grandparents are at the end of their lives. In my mind, they were always going to be there. No doubt about it because, well, they always have been there.
I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. With all 4 grandparents, but more often with these two. They lived 5 miles away while Dad's folks were 20. When Mom worked in Ashland or at the Englewood post office, I went to Grandmas. We had a routine. Mornings were spent feeding the chickens, I played outside with the kittens. We worked in the garden (which I HATED.) We fixed lunch. After lunch, they both took naps in their recliners. I never napped, but HAD to be quiet. So, I usually read a book. Afternoons were filled with different chores, depended on the day. Then Mom would arrive, and we'd go home.
Tuesday afternoons were ceramics day. Several friends of Grandma's came out to work on their ceramics. Those ladies were mostly older than grandma. Most of her friends were older than she. I thought they were ancient. Most were probably in their 60's and 70's.
Fridays were egg delivery day--in the mornings. And after delivering eggs, Grandma would get her hair done at Mary's Cut 'N Curl. I liked and hated delivering eggs. At some houses, we'd stop and visit for a while. All OLD people. I can remember the smell of Mrs. Osborns house. Mothballs and something else. Never have placed that smell. Effie's house smelled warm and sunny. Mrs. Butts house was always dark. Ming's house was always messy. We always visited with the Osborns. Sometimes Mr Osborn would give me home made bread and butter. And he always gave me a piece of doublemint gum. We would stay there forever. At times, we'd visit with other ladies, but always the Osborns.
Monday's were often Dr day. Grandma has always been "sick". Always. I hated Dr day. We had to drive 30 miles to Laverne OK. to see Dr Lenz. Your appointment might be at9, but you might see him by noon. Of course, I had to sit and be quiet. I hated going to the Dr. And, of course, we'd always see someone who was related to us or who was from home. So lots of visiting.
But even then, I knew the routine, I knew my grandparents would always be there. They just would. Other people died, but not MY grandparents.
And, now they are dying. Slowly. And I know I need to come to terms with it. Grandma really isn't healthy anymore. Grandpa, once so big, and powerful, is now smaller than I am. It's not supposed to be that way. They aren't supposed to ever leave me.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Friday, April 21, 2006
Money woes
I'm going to turn into one of those old people who worry constantly about running out of money while having $40,000 or so in the checkbook.
I'm not there yet, but in another 30-40 years, I'll be there.
We spend our earnings pretty well right now, but every time I buy something, I worry about it costing too much, if I really need it, can I make it unti next payday, etc.
Here's an example. Miss Kat needed new shoes. So I bought some. And then, I worried about if she R.E.A.L.L.Y. needed them. I mean, duct tape can hold her old ones together, right? And, the Chinese figured it out centuries ago--just bind those feet and they'll stop growing. She could get by--I might need that money. Pay day is 3 days away. We've only got $400 in the account. What if I need that $15 that I spent on her shoes!
It's a sickness.
Payday was yesterday. I paid bills last night. We will go 2 more weeks till another pay day. And, I'm worried. All the bills are paid. But I might need to spend some money on an upcoming emergency. I don't want to go to the store and buy food. We might need to buy something more important. What the heck's more important than food???
Can't express my fear to Kev--he'll just rooollll his eyes and tell me to stop worrying. After all, we've got money in savings. If we have to, we'll pull some out temporarily. Logical? Yes. Calming? sorta. Shuts me up? Every time. Until next pay day.
Oh, yeah, Kel? You were right. I should have bought myself those crocs. I'm kicking myself now. But....what if I had needed that money? Then where would I be???
I'm not there yet, but in another 30-40 years, I'll be there.
We spend our earnings pretty well right now, but every time I buy something, I worry about it costing too much, if I really need it, can I make it unti next payday, etc.
Here's an example. Miss Kat needed new shoes. So I bought some. And then, I worried about if she R.E.A.L.L.Y. needed them. I mean, duct tape can hold her old ones together, right? And, the Chinese figured it out centuries ago--just bind those feet and they'll stop growing. She could get by--I might need that money. Pay day is 3 days away. We've only got $400 in the account. What if I need that $15 that I spent on her shoes!
It's a sickness.
Payday was yesterday. I paid bills last night. We will go 2 more weeks till another pay day. And, I'm worried. All the bills are paid. But I might need to spend some money on an upcoming emergency. I don't want to go to the store and buy food. We might need to buy something more important. What the heck's more important than food???
Can't express my fear to Kev--he'll just rooollll his eyes and tell me to stop worrying. After all, we've got money in savings. If we have to, we'll pull some out temporarily. Logical? Yes. Calming? sorta. Shuts me up? Every time. Until next pay day.
Oh, yeah, Kel? You were right. I should have bought myself those crocs. I'm kicking myself now. But....what if I had needed that money? Then where would I be???
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Today was Job Shadowing day. Miss Kat came to work with me today. I wasn't sure what I'd do with her. It's not unusual for her to come to work. She comes here frequently after school. Granted, 4 p.m. is a very quiet time at a college library. Classes are primarily finished for the day, students are often working, or are relaxing. They do not generally come to the library at 4 p.m.
So, this morning, no studnets until after 10 a.m. Usually, I have several in between 8 and 10. Not today. But, I found plenty to keep her busy and maybe showed her how much work we usually do accomplish.
Kat got to open--turn on lights, computers, copiers, etc. I taught Kat how to cover new books. She covered a couple herself. Then she got to check in a couple of books and even reshelve. She realized how important that call number is, and she realized that she's too short to shelve books on our top shelf! She counted circulated items, and re-shelved magazines. She learned what microfiche is and what syllabbi are. She then got a short tour of the Math/Science building. It's the only one she wasn't familiar with. We were lucky--Pic was in the Chemistry lab and he showed her how to turn water into wine. That was probably the highlight of her morning.
I think Kat learned a lot. I know that I have a greater appreciation of the work I do every day and take for granted. I know I'm tired, from thinking of all the things to show her. It's habit, and takes a lot of energy to explain it all to a 10 year old. I think it was good for both of us. I'm glad it's over.
So, this morning, no studnets until after 10 a.m. Usually, I have several in between 8 and 10. Not today. But, I found plenty to keep her busy and maybe showed her how much work we usually do accomplish.
Kat got to open--turn on lights, computers, copiers, etc. I taught Kat how to cover new books. She covered a couple herself. Then she got to check in a couple of books and even reshelve. She realized how important that call number is, and she realized that she's too short to shelve books on our top shelf! She counted circulated items, and re-shelved magazines. She learned what microfiche is and what syllabbi are. She then got a short tour of the Math/Science building. It's the only one she wasn't familiar with. We were lucky--Pic was in the Chemistry lab and he showed her how to turn water into wine. That was probably the highlight of her morning.
I think Kat learned a lot. I know that I have a greater appreciation of the work I do every day and take for granted. I know I'm tired, from thinking of all the things to show her. It's habit, and takes a lot of energy to explain it all to a 10 year old. I think it was good for both of us. I'm glad it's over.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Me--Politically
I found this on Cowtown Stacy's blog. She's split evenly on the issues. I guessed that I wouldn't be...and I was right. The only problem with these quizzes is that they are so black and white and never really fit me completely. Like the question on owning guns--no hunting options given. So, it didn't really fit. Here's me--Politically in a nutshell.
Your Political Profile |
| Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal |
| Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
| Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal |
| Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
| Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal |
| Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal |
How Liberal / Conservative Are You?
Morning chores
There's something special and fulfilling about doing chores. I fed the animals this morning, as Kev is off watching turkey and Andy didn't have school. Andy usually does the morning chores, as he is quicker about getting ready for school than his mother. I often do chores on the weekend, and share in the evening chores. I find I'm rather picky in how my young chicks are cared for, and just feel better when doing it myself.
But, this morning, I did all the chores. I got up earlier than normal, let the dogs out, then got myself ready for the day.
The first critters who get fed are the pesky cats. The outside cats. They have an instinctive knowledge of when you will exit the house, and all gather for breakfast. They all gather at the door and send a chorus of "meows" that isn't quite melodic or soothing. As I step outside the door, they twine their supple bodies around my feet, practically tripping me. That is probably their true intent--to trip me, causing me to spill their food, and in doing so, fill their hungry bellies. I perform my Pied Piper impression, shaking the feed can, enticing them all to follow me to the shop where I disperse their meal. While walking towards the shop, they continue twining themselves around my feet. It's a constant obstacle course.
Once the cats are cared for, it's off to the goats. Winter is a true Nubian. She is loud and can be annoying as she announces her hunger. Grabbing her grain, I quickly enter the pen. She rubs against me, encouraging me to hurry up and deposit her meal into the trough. She weighs around 130 lbs, and it's not necessarily easy to get around her to the trough. Once accomplished, I have another goat who now demands my attention by butting my legs. Miss Monkey quickly grabs her bottle and finishes it rapidly, while her siblings sniff me, nibble on my clothes, check out the bottle, etc. Then they decide to investigate what Mom is eating and maybe sneak in a drink while she's distracted.
The pigs are next on the list. Walking toward their pen, I scare up a pheasant who takes off to the west. No sign of the pigs as I enter the pen. They are snuggled up together inside the shed, sleeping in late this morning. But once they hear my voice, they come to investigate. No need to feed them, as they have a self feeder. I just check feed levels and water then exit the pen. Of course while checking, the pigs bless me by pressing their noses against my pant legs. Four pigs, pressing around one human. It's a very similar feeling to that of walking amidst the cats.
The only remaining animals are the chickens. Upon opening the door to the coop, I'm greeted by the 5 adult critters who dash into the clear morning sun. The chicks are cheeping in their brooder. It always surprises me to witness their panic every time I remove the "lid" on the brooder. I do it twice a day. In my mind, they should expect it. After all, I bring fresh water and food which they attack with ravish attention. I note that they are outgrowing their home and wonder when I can introduce them to the adult population. Today, I turn off the heat lamp for the first time. The temperature is forecasted to be 88. They are big enough, that a day without the heat lamp will do them good. And, soon, they will have to learn how to deal with the dark. As I leave the coop, I toss the adults some grain and take a few indulgent seconds to watch them scratch.
On the way back to the house, I take time to look around. The grass is greening up, weeds are popping out of the ground. The dew is heavy on the grass. There's wisps of fog sliding down the valleys of our gentle hills. The lilacs are budding. It looks, smells and sounds like spring. It's peaceful. It's beautiful. It's home.
But, this morning, I did all the chores. I got up earlier than normal, let the dogs out, then got myself ready for the day.
The first critters who get fed are the pesky cats. The outside cats. They have an instinctive knowledge of when you will exit the house, and all gather for breakfast. They all gather at the door and send a chorus of "meows" that isn't quite melodic or soothing. As I step outside the door, they twine their supple bodies around my feet, practically tripping me. That is probably their true intent--to trip me, causing me to spill their food, and in doing so, fill their hungry bellies. I perform my Pied Piper impression, shaking the feed can, enticing them all to follow me to the shop where I disperse their meal. While walking towards the shop, they continue twining themselves around my feet. It's a constant obstacle course.
Once the cats are cared for, it's off to the goats. Winter is a true Nubian. She is loud and can be annoying as she announces her hunger. Grabbing her grain, I quickly enter the pen. She rubs against me, encouraging me to hurry up and deposit her meal into the trough. She weighs around 130 lbs, and it's not necessarily easy to get around her to the trough. Once accomplished, I have another goat who now demands my attention by butting my legs. Miss Monkey quickly grabs her bottle and finishes it rapidly, while her siblings sniff me, nibble on my clothes, check out the bottle, etc. Then they decide to investigate what Mom is eating and maybe sneak in a drink while she's distracted.
The pigs are next on the list. Walking toward their pen, I scare up a pheasant who takes off to the west. No sign of the pigs as I enter the pen. They are snuggled up together inside the shed, sleeping in late this morning. But once they hear my voice, they come to investigate. No need to feed them, as they have a self feeder. I just check feed levels and water then exit the pen. Of course while checking, the pigs bless me by pressing their noses against my pant legs. Four pigs, pressing around one human. It's a very similar feeling to that of walking amidst the cats.
The only remaining animals are the chickens. Upon opening the door to the coop, I'm greeted by the 5 adult critters who dash into the clear morning sun. The chicks are cheeping in their brooder. It always surprises me to witness their panic every time I remove the "lid" on the brooder. I do it twice a day. In my mind, they should expect it. After all, I bring fresh water and food which they attack with ravish attention. I note that they are outgrowing their home and wonder when I can introduce them to the adult population. Today, I turn off the heat lamp for the first time. The temperature is forecasted to be 88. They are big enough, that a day without the heat lamp will do them good. And, soon, they will have to learn how to deal with the dark. As I leave the coop, I toss the adults some grain and take a few indulgent seconds to watch them scratch.
On the way back to the house, I take time to look around. The grass is greening up, weeds are popping out of the ground. The dew is heavy on the grass. There's wisps of fog sliding down the valleys of our gentle hills. The lilacs are budding. It looks, smells and sounds like spring. It's peaceful. It's beautiful. It's home.
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