growing old

I've had a lot stewing in my mind the last couple of weeks. You see, I spent 2 days at home with my folks helping my Mother who is overwhelmed with caring for others right now.

She's got my Dad with a broken, non-weight bearing leg. She's got my grandparents. One with dementia the other who is physically ailing.

Grandpa had to go see the eye dr. about getting a cataract removed. Grandma, who has dementia, was to stay home, but can't stay at home. And Dad--wouldn't be able to pick her up if she fell, and she's always driven him nuts. So I was the designated babysitter. Mom of course, had to take Grandpa to the Dr.

It's an odd feeling knowing you are babysitting the person who babysat you 30 years ago. It's strange to have to finally admit that Grandma has dementia. It's really hard for me to admit and accept that my grandparents are at the end of their lives. In my mind, they were always going to be there. No doubt about it because, well, they always have been there.

I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. With all 4 grandparents, but more often with these two. They lived 5 miles away while Dad's folks were 20. When Mom worked in Ashland or at the Englewood post office, I went to Grandmas. We had a routine. Mornings were spent feeding the chickens, I played outside with the kittens. We worked in the garden (which I HATED.) We fixed lunch. After lunch, they both took naps in their recliners. I never napped, but HAD to be quiet. So, I usually read a book. Afternoons were filled with different chores, depended on the day. Then Mom would arrive, and we'd go home.
Tuesday afternoons were ceramics day. Several friends of Grandma's came out to work on their ceramics. Those ladies were mostly older than grandma. Most of her friends were older than she. I thought they were ancient. Most were probably in their 60's and 70's.

Fridays were egg delivery day--in the mornings. And after delivering eggs, Grandma would get her hair done at Mary's Cut 'N Curl. I liked and hated delivering eggs. At some houses, we'd stop and visit for a while. All OLD people. I can remember the smell of Mrs. Osborns house. Mothballs and something else. Never have placed that smell. Effie's house smelled warm and sunny. Mrs. Butts house was always dark. Ming's house was always messy. We always visited with the Osborns. Sometimes Mr Osborn would give me home made bread and butter. And he always gave me a piece of doublemint gum. We would stay there forever. At times, we'd visit with other ladies, but always the Osborns.

Monday's were often Dr day. Grandma has always been "sick". Always. I hated Dr day. We had to drive 30 miles to Laverne OK. to see Dr Lenz. Your appointment might be at9, but you might see him by noon. Of course, I had to sit and be quiet. I hated going to the Dr. And, of course, we'd always see someone who was related to us or who was from home. So lots of visiting.

But even then, I knew the routine, I knew my grandparents would always be there. They just would. Other people died, but not MY grandparents.

And, now they are dying. Slowly. And I know I need to come to terms with it. Grandma really isn't healthy anymore. Grandpa, once so big, and powerful, is now smaller than I am. It's not supposed to be that way. They aren't supposed to ever leave me.