Opportunities

I had an interview for a new job last Friday. I went to this interview thinking I was wasting my time, that I'm "content" right now and that a big move just isn't in our future. But, they'd asked me to come and I decided I would.

This job is a parallel move for me but it would move our family closer to my folks, something I've been wanting to do for a couple of years. They're in their 60's now, still very healthy, but Dad did have that accident with the horse and was laid up for almost 9 months, and Mom's been struggling with "elder care". I've worried for them. I've felt tremendous guilt that I'm not there when they need some help. Being the eldest child, and the daughter, I know that someday I'll need to be there for them. So, I've been watching job openings in the area, one came up, I applied.

I felt comfortable in the interview, not nervous at all. They asked questions, I answered. The body language of the committee was GOOD. I felt like I nailed that interview. They asked this question, "Can you start Oct 1?"

That one threw me for a loop, Oct 1 was 2 weeks away. I was a little evasive and said "Probably, but you realize that I will have to break my contract." Maybe too evasive. But, true. I would have to break contract and be faced with a huge fine. I am short staffed right now anyway, which would leave this place really hurting. But, I figured that maybe we could work something out if they called.

It's been a week. No calls, no rejection letters.

I don't know what to think. I left the interview thinking it had gone really, really well. Now, I'm doubting myself. I've waffled about if I even want to take this job, it would mean that I'd leave before my family did. It would mean selling a house I love, friends I adore, leaving a home of 20 years. It would mean uprooting my kids, one in his Junior year. It would mean uprooting my husband, who is very supportive, but still, this has been his home for almost 30 years. It would also be an exciting career change for me, a chance to stretch my wings, to make a place --a different place, MINE. Just the interview made me realize how much I've done here, how far we've come. I'd like to do that somewhere else too.

But still, no calls. No rejection letters. I don't know what to think anymore. Today, I want this job and since I've finally realized that I want this opportunity, I'm probably not going to get it.