My most embarrassing Christmas present

Y'all can blame Ree--otherwise known as Pioneer Woman for this post. (See her link to the right...) Oh, and, men, beware, this is FEMALE stuff.

My most interesting Christmas present was one my Grandma B gave me. I was a new, young, innocent college graduate in my first professional job. Wearing dresses quite frequently at the time, I discovered a hazard of wearing panty hose day in and day out--a yeast infection.

The first time I got one, I thought I had somehow contracted a STD, but didn't know how, since the S part of the STD hadn't happened. But, that itching that quickly drives you mad, the burning, the I-can't-sit-still itchiness was something entirely new. Picture the young, professional, with itching down there trying not to scratch while sitting at her desk, trying not to squirm at her desk, wondering if there was an area in a library where she could sneak to and pull up the dress and the pantyhose down, just to scratch--without being seen. I was miserable. So, I was greatly relieved when I went to the nurse and was diagnosed. Of course, I waited for two itchy days before asking the nurse, but relief was in sight. She got me much needed medicine and relief was mine.

After that first diagnosis, I frequently got yeast infections and learned that it was common among women wearing pantyhose day after day after day after day...and that it might be a hereditary condition, that women in some families are more susceptible.

Being the person I am, I asked my mother and my Grandmother. Yes, Grandma had a tendency to get them. Great. Of all the things to inherit, I get this. Lovely.

Which leads me to that Christmas gift.

Grandma bought me six pair of...

Crotchless pantyhose.

My 60-something year old grandmother bought me...crotchless pantyhose.

I was shocked. Floored. Embarrassed all to heck. After all, I opened them in the same room as my Grandfather, my Father, my Brother, my Uncle, my Aunt, my cousins... well, you get the picture.

I wanted to die.

Then, Grandma drew attention to me and to the crotchless wonders be telling me--out loud, in front of my aunt, my mother, my brother...and so on, that she got them for me to help me avoid yeast infection.

Um, yeah, thanks Grandma. Thanks for getting me crotchless pantyhose and thanks for telling all the "men" in my life that I get yeast infections.

The only good thing was that my brother didn't pipe up and ask "So, Sis, what are Yeast infections and where do you get them?"