My little boy gave me a big hug this morning. There was one small problem.
My head rested on his shoulder. Since this is my little boy, his head should rest on my shoulder.
I mean, that's the way it's been for 16 years. Why now is his suddenly so much bigger than me? My mind and my heart can remember the feel of his little body snuggling up to me.
I can still feel his little 3 month old body snuggling on my chest as we fell asleep in the recliner most nights after the 2 a.m. feeding. I can still feel his face resting right there in the center of my chest. I can feel his heart beat. I know exactly how his little butt curved and fit perfectly into the palm of my hand. I remember how he curled up, into a little comma shaped mass right there on my chest.
I can still feel his year old body snuggling next to mine, his head bumping against my chin and his feet draped on either side of my body has he snuggled into me. I can still smell that baby shampoo in his hair mixing with scent that was his. I remember the feel of those footed pajamas, the fuzzy body, the vinyl feet, the zipper pressing into my chest. The heavy weight of my little boy as he just snuggled. It's such a vivid memory...where did that little boy go?
Now, he's six foot tall. He hugs me, and it's my head that bumps into his chin. A man has taken the place of my baby boy. I can still see my baby in this man, but never again will his head rest under my chin with his legs wrapped around my waist. Never again will he be my little boy.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Marriage Meme
From mezamashii
In honor's of Valentine's Day, I present the Marriage Meme!
Anyone who reads this & is married gets TAGGED!
1. Where / how did you meet?
I was invited to play Pitch with Kev, Lynn, and his wife Cindy. Cindy worked with me and she actually was trying to invite another co-worker, but I overheard "Do you know how to play pitch?" and piped right up and said "I do."
2. How long have you known each other?
We met in September-October 1989.
3. How long after you met did you start dating?
We didn't start dating until January 1990. (O yeah, that was SO long after we met...)
4. How long did you date before you were engaged?
Six looooonnnnnngggggg years. Six difficult years in which we dated, broke up, dated, should have broken up, had a child, still should have broken up, finally figured it out, moved in together and then got married.
5. How long was your engagement?
Almost 4 months. Christmas Eve 1994-April 15, 1995 (Hey, he finally admitted that I was the love of his life, he was gettin' married before he changed his mind!)
6. How long have you been married?
12 years.
7. What is your anniversary?
April 15, 1995 Or, as we like to say "Death and taxes day."
8. How many people came to your wedding reception?
75 or so. Fewer to the wedding, cause that was just family.
9. What kind of cake did you serve?
traditional white cake.
10. Where was your wedding?
We rented the Episcopal church because it was little and we were having a family only service. (And, Kev said our house was too little, cause I really wanted to get married in our house. Ok, I'll admit, he was right.)
11. What did you serve for the meal?
Fingerfoods that my MIL and I and Cindy and maybe even my Mom made.
12. How many people were in your bridal party?
I had Cindy as my Matron of honor. Kev had his brother Dan as his best man. Andy was our ringbearer and our niece, Cortney was flower girl.
13. Are you still friends with them all?
All but Cindy. She divorced us.
14. Did your spouse cry during the ceremony?
I don't think he did, but he was super serious when I expected him to be more light-hearted. I wanted him to stop being so serious and crack a joke or smile or something to make me less nervous.
15. Most special moment of your wedding day?
When we walked from the VFW to our house after lunch and Kev told me he wished he could have afforded to give me a gift. I didn't need one, but just knowing he wanted to do something special meant a lot. And when my Dad said "Are you ready Shug?" before walking me up the ailse.
16. Any funny moments?
Yes, when we opened our gifts from Kev's mom--a sexy nightie for me and wild boxers for Kev. I got so embarassed...because they screamed "SEX" and, gosh, I was innocent. Right? Right? Andy's conception was immaculate wasn't it? And, we'd lived together for almost a year, and during that year, we were...well behaved. Right? RIGHT? And, of course, my MIL has never had sex...so for her to GIVE me a sexy nightie was embarassing!
17. Any big disasters?
No, not that I can remember.
18. Where did you go on your honeymoon?
We waited until August when we went Camping with Lynn and Cindy.
19. How long were you gone?
5 days or so.
20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change?
Nothing. It was so us.
21. Greatest strength as a couple?
We truely like each other and work on staying friends as well as a couple.
22. Greatest challenge as a couple?
We both tend to internalize our fears and not share them right away.
23. Who literally pays the bills?
Duh. Me. But Kev did do it for the first few years we were married. But, he reconciles the checkbook. I haven't done that in probably 15 years!
24. What is your song?
Keeper of the Stars
25. What did you dance your first dance to?
Keeper of the stars
26. Describe your wedding dress.
Off white tea length. Buttons down the front and a lace collar. Tie from the waist to the back like a bustle. I bought it 2 years before Kev proposed. I saw it and liked it and decided that IT was my wedding dress--even though I wasn't sure Kev would be the groom. I paid $75 for it.
27. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding?
Pink roses and carnations.
28. Are your wedding bands engraved?
Nope.
In honor's of Valentine's Day, I present the Marriage Meme!
Anyone who reads this & is married gets TAGGED!
1. Where / how did you meet?
I was invited to play Pitch with Kev, Lynn, and his wife Cindy. Cindy worked with me and she actually was trying to invite another co-worker, but I overheard "Do you know how to play pitch?" and piped right up and said "I do."
2. How long have you known each other?
We met in September-October 1989.
3. How long after you met did you start dating?
We didn't start dating until January 1990. (O yeah, that was SO long after we met...)
4. How long did you date before you were engaged?
Six looooonnnnnngggggg years. Six difficult years in which we dated, broke up, dated, should have broken up, had a child, still should have broken up, finally figured it out, moved in together and then got married.
5. How long was your engagement?
Almost 4 months. Christmas Eve 1994-April 15, 1995 (Hey, he finally admitted that I was the love of his life, he was gettin' married before he changed his mind!)
6. How long have you been married?
12 years.
7. What is your anniversary?
April 15, 1995 Or, as we like to say "Death and taxes day."
8. How many people came to your wedding reception?
75 or so. Fewer to the wedding, cause that was just family.
9. What kind of cake did you serve?
traditional white cake.
10. Where was your wedding?
We rented the Episcopal church because it was little and we were having a family only service. (And, Kev said our house was too little, cause I really wanted to get married in our house. Ok, I'll admit, he was right.)
11. What did you serve for the meal?
Fingerfoods that my MIL and I and Cindy and maybe even my Mom made.
12. How many people were in your bridal party?
I had Cindy as my Matron of honor. Kev had his brother Dan as his best man. Andy was our ringbearer and our niece, Cortney was flower girl.
13. Are you still friends with them all?
All but Cindy. She divorced us.
14. Did your spouse cry during the ceremony?
I don't think he did, but he was super serious when I expected him to be more light-hearted. I wanted him to stop being so serious and crack a joke or smile or something to make me less nervous.
15. Most special moment of your wedding day?
When we walked from the VFW to our house after lunch and Kev told me he wished he could have afforded to give me a gift. I didn't need one, but just knowing he wanted to do something special meant a lot. And when my Dad said "Are you ready Shug?" before walking me up the ailse.
16. Any funny moments?
Yes, when we opened our gifts from Kev's mom--a sexy nightie for me and wild boxers for Kev. I got so embarassed...because they screamed "SEX" and, gosh, I was innocent. Right? Right? Andy's conception was immaculate wasn't it? And, we'd lived together for almost a year, and during that year, we were...well behaved. Right? RIGHT? And, of course, my MIL has never had sex...so for her to GIVE me a sexy nightie was embarassing!
17. Any big disasters?
No, not that I can remember.
18. Where did you go on your honeymoon?
We waited until August when we went Camping with Lynn and Cindy.
19. How long were you gone?
5 days or so.
20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change?
Nothing. It was so us.
21. Greatest strength as a couple?
We truely like each other and work on staying friends as well as a couple.
22. Greatest challenge as a couple?
We both tend to internalize our fears and not share them right away.
23. Who literally pays the bills?
Duh. Me. But Kev did do it for the first few years we were married. But, he reconciles the checkbook. I haven't done that in probably 15 years!
24. What is your song?
Keeper of the Stars
25. What did you dance your first dance to?
Keeper of the stars
26. Describe your wedding dress.
Off white tea length. Buttons down the front and a lace collar. Tie from the waist to the back like a bustle. I bought it 2 years before Kev proposed. I saw it and liked it and decided that IT was my wedding dress--even though I wasn't sure Kev would be the groom. I paid $75 for it.
27. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding?
Pink roses and carnations.
28. Are your wedding bands engraved?
Nope.
Flo and Vera
Growing up in a dying town is interesting. You know everyone and know their ancestors and their entire life history. Heck, you are usually related to 3/4 of those people, so their ancestors are your ancestors.
Last night was Parent Teacher Conference time. We were very interested to see how the kids were doing so, being good parents, we went.
One of the first teachers we visited with was Andy's math teacher. We talked about how well he was doing, and then she said that she had family in Big E. What? Who?
It appears her maiden name was W.....r and her grandparents had lived there. What's interesting to me is that this family and my Grandma's family, the Millers, "emigrated" to Big E from Central Kansas in the teens (1910's). So, while we weren't related, we did have a common history and a strong connection. The families were very close. (In fact, Mom and I uncovered an old rumor about closeness but we don't know how to persue , or if we want to persue this rumor.)
Anyway, I remember her grandmother, Miss Vera. And Andy's teacher was pleased to know that I at least knew who she was talking about. I remember going to Miss Vera's house with Grandma once. We were probably delivering eggs. I remember that she was very short--not 5 foot tall. I remember her beautiful white hair, and the floor of her house. It had had some water damage and had swelled so that she had at least one "hill" in her house. Maybe not a hill, but a hump in the floor. A big hump that was probably a foot higher than the floor.
I thought it was cool and thought she'd done it on purpose. I remember wondering if she ran up and down that "hill", because that's what I wanted to do...but Grandma wouldn't let me. That's all I remember about her. I don't know if she went to a nursing home after that, or if she died. I had to be less than 10 years old, because I don't remember her being there after we moved to Big E ourselves. I know the house sat empty for years and was then bought by a drunk who eventually burned it down--accidently on purpose. It was a neat house tho and if it had been fixed up, could have been beautiful.
I remember Miss Vera's sister more. She and her sister had married brothers. Her sister was Aunt Flo to us. I remember Aunt Flo very well. We used to stop and visit her often when I was a little girl. My grandparents bought Aunt Flo's house after she died and that is the house they recently left. Aunt Flo was also very small. She and Miss Vera looked very much alike. Aunt Flo's house was nicer than Miss Vera's, and we visited her often. I know we did because I have vivid memories of her toybox and of Aunt Flo herself.
This was the first time I have met anyone who had family in Big E. It was so nice to visit about these ladies who have been gone for more than 30 years. It brought them back to my mind and made me remember the small living community that Big E used to be and never will again.
Last night was Parent Teacher Conference time. We were very interested to see how the kids were doing so, being good parents, we went.
One of the first teachers we visited with was Andy's math teacher. We talked about how well he was doing, and then she said that she had family in Big E. What? Who?
It appears her maiden name was W.....r and her grandparents had lived there. What's interesting to me is that this family and my Grandma's family, the Millers, "emigrated" to Big E from Central Kansas in the teens (1910's). So, while we weren't related, we did have a common history and a strong connection. The families were very close. (In fact, Mom and I uncovered an old rumor about closeness but we don't know how to persue , or if we want to persue this rumor.)
Anyway, I remember her grandmother, Miss Vera. And Andy's teacher was pleased to know that I at least knew who she was talking about. I remember going to Miss Vera's house with Grandma once. We were probably delivering eggs. I remember that she was very short--not 5 foot tall. I remember her beautiful white hair, and the floor of her house. It had had some water damage and had swelled so that she had at least one "hill" in her house. Maybe not a hill, but a hump in the floor. A big hump that was probably a foot higher than the floor.
I thought it was cool and thought she'd done it on purpose. I remember wondering if she ran up and down that "hill", because that's what I wanted to do...but Grandma wouldn't let me. That's all I remember about her. I don't know if she went to a nursing home after that, or if she died. I had to be less than 10 years old, because I don't remember her being there after we moved to Big E ourselves. I know the house sat empty for years and was then bought by a drunk who eventually burned it down--accidently on purpose. It was a neat house tho and if it had been fixed up, could have been beautiful.
I remember Miss Vera's sister more. She and her sister had married brothers. Her sister was Aunt Flo to us. I remember Aunt Flo very well. We used to stop and visit her often when I was a little girl. My grandparents bought Aunt Flo's house after she died and that is the house they recently left. Aunt Flo was also very small. She and Miss Vera looked very much alike. Aunt Flo's house was nicer than Miss Vera's, and we visited her often. I know we did because I have vivid memories of her toybox and of Aunt Flo herself.
This was the first time I have met anyone who had family in Big E. It was so nice to visit about these ladies who have been gone for more than 30 years. It brought them back to my mind and made me remember the small living community that Big E used to be and never will again.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Men...
Kev and I drove to work seperately today. I'm able to leave early to go home and watch Andy's game. Kev has a late patient and can't get away.
So, I'm tooling down the highway, listening to the radio, thinking of how I really like riding to work with my husband, and how lonely it is riding by yourself, when my phone rings. I fished it out of my pocket and saw that it was Kev calling--maybe he misses me riding with him too, and wanted to call and just say hi! As I looked up, a bright yellow VW passed me.
I thought to myself, as I answered, "He'd better not be calling me just to Slugbug me."
I said, "Hello." And heard...
"Yellow slugbug."
The man is an idiot. And, he's just not very nice...
but I love him anyway.
So, I'm tooling down the highway, listening to the radio, thinking of how I really like riding to work with my husband, and how lonely it is riding by yourself, when my phone rings. I fished it out of my pocket and saw that it was Kev calling--maybe he misses me riding with him too, and wanted to call and just say hi! As I looked up, a bright yellow VW passed me.
I thought to myself, as I answered, "He'd better not be calling me just to Slugbug me."
I said, "Hello." And heard...
"Yellow slugbug."
The man is an idiot. And, he's just not very nice...
but I love him anyway.
Monday, February 04, 2008
the lake
We had a very relaxing weekend. And, we had company...again. But it was still relaxing. Kim, Bob and the kids came down to see us. They got in early Friday night and we had enchalidas for supper. (Made with the last 3 lbs of my hamburger. We've got to butcher soon!) Saturday morning, Kev made oatmeal pancakes with either blueberries or chocolate chips. So yummy! Then we took Bob and Kim out for a drive. We drove about 15 miles south to see the fire. A prairie fire had burned over 7000 acres last week, so we went down to see. Miles and miles of black ground. And we could tell exactly where it had started--on the edge of the highway. Grass fires burn hot and fast. Fortunately, no homes were lost.
After looking at the fire, we decided to run by the Clark County Lake. Now, I lived in Eastern Clark County as a girl--for 2 years or so. While I remembered certain landmarks, I didn't know how to get to the lake from where we were, and since roads in this part of the country do NOT run on section lines, nor do they run straight...I made Kev drive back up to Bucklin and then around and down to the lake. He didn't argue--but I expected him too. On the other hand, I think he's tooled around enough to know that he might get lost!
I hadn't been to the lake in probably 20 years. What I remember most is the drive down the hill to get to the lake. You see, it was built in the 30's by the WPA and they simply build a dam in a canyon and flooded it. (I can only imagine how deep this canyon was before they flooded the bottom of it.) You have to drive DOWN to get to the lake--the slope of the road is probably a 6% grade. We used to take school busses down to the lake occassionally and riding down a 6% grade slope in a 63 passenger school bus isn't exactly my idea of fun. If the brakes had gone out...we would have landed in the lake. Or off the side of the cliff. Neither would be "fun."
It's a beautiful lake. After looking around for a while, we decided to go home for lunch, feed and pick up the kids, and go back to the lake for the afternoon. The kids were thrilled.
Kim, Bailey, Andy, Tate and I went to the south end, to the Dam. We hiked around, then Andy and Take climbed the canyon walls to the top, we girls just walked the dam and down to the spillway. Beautiful red clay. Beautiful rock formations. We loved every minute. Kev, Bob, Kat and Dual went to the north end. (We had to take 2 vehicles...) Kat and Dual found some lures and some fishing line, so they rigged up some stick fishing poles and also did some "spearfishing" with sticks. There were some shad in the shallows, so the kids were thrilled to death to catch some fish. They saved them to show Kim and I.
Just picture two kids, 10 and 11 years old, running to your car carring a big stick with a very dead fish hanging off the line...
We also saw 2 bald eagles sitting in a tree across the lake. Wish they had been fishing, but it was cool just seeing them.
As the sun started sinking lower than the canyon wall, the temp dropped quickly, and we all drove back home. A nice 20 minute drive. It was so nice and relaxing to just hang out and do NOTHING but enjoy the outdoors and the good friends.
**********
When we first got married, and we were thinking about relocating, Kev told me he could live anywhere as long as he was closer to a place to fish and a place to hunt. He decided on Saturday, that a 20 minute drive to a lake is great. He's already planning summer fishing trips and he's planning on quick evenings of fishing after work. We already have a place to hunt here. Now, he's got a place to fish. I think Kev's going to be happy here.
Fishin', Huntin', and me. What more could a guy want.
After looking at the fire, we decided to run by the Clark County Lake. Now, I lived in Eastern Clark County as a girl--for 2 years or so. While I remembered certain landmarks, I didn't know how to get to the lake from where we were, and since roads in this part of the country do NOT run on section lines, nor do they run straight...I made Kev drive back up to Bucklin and then around and down to the lake. He didn't argue--but I expected him too. On the other hand, I think he's tooled around enough to know that he might get lost!
I hadn't been to the lake in probably 20 years. What I remember most is the drive down the hill to get to the lake. You see, it was built in the 30's by the WPA and they simply build a dam in a canyon and flooded it. (I can only imagine how deep this canyon was before they flooded the bottom of it.) You have to drive DOWN to get to the lake--the slope of the road is probably a 6% grade. We used to take school busses down to the lake occassionally and riding down a 6% grade slope in a 63 passenger school bus isn't exactly my idea of fun. If the brakes had gone out...we would have landed in the lake. Or off the side of the cliff. Neither would be "fun."
It's a beautiful lake. After looking around for a while, we decided to go home for lunch, feed and pick up the kids, and go back to the lake for the afternoon. The kids were thrilled.
Kim, Bailey, Andy, Tate and I went to the south end, to the Dam. We hiked around, then Andy and Take climbed the canyon walls to the top, we girls just walked the dam and down to the spillway. Beautiful red clay. Beautiful rock formations. We loved every minute. Kev, Bob, Kat and Dual went to the north end. (We had to take 2 vehicles...) Kat and Dual found some lures and some fishing line, so they rigged up some stick fishing poles and also did some "spearfishing" with sticks. There were some shad in the shallows, so the kids were thrilled to death to catch some fish. They saved them to show Kim and I.
Just picture two kids, 10 and 11 years old, running to your car carring a big stick with a very dead fish hanging off the line...
We also saw 2 bald eagles sitting in a tree across the lake. Wish they had been fishing, but it was cool just seeing them.
As the sun started sinking lower than the canyon wall, the temp dropped quickly, and we all drove back home. A nice 20 minute drive. It was so nice and relaxing to just hang out and do NOTHING but enjoy the outdoors and the good friends.
**********
When we first got married, and we were thinking about relocating, Kev told me he could live anywhere as long as he was closer to a place to fish and a place to hunt. He decided on Saturday, that a 20 minute drive to a lake is great. He's already planning summer fishing trips and he's planning on quick evenings of fishing after work. We already have a place to hunt here. Now, he's got a place to fish. I think Kev's going to be happy here.
Fishin', Huntin', and me. What more could a guy want.
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