My little boy gave me a big hug this morning. There was one small problem.
My head rested on his shoulder. Since this is my little boy, his head should rest on my shoulder.
I mean, that's the way it's been for 16 years. Why now is his suddenly so much bigger than me? My mind and my heart can remember the feel of his little body snuggling up to me.
I can still feel his little 3 month old body snuggling on my chest as we fell asleep in the recliner most nights after the 2 a.m. feeding. I can still feel his face resting right there in the center of my chest. I can feel his heart beat. I know exactly how his little butt curved and fit perfectly into the palm of my hand. I remember how he curled up, into a little comma shaped mass right there on my chest.
I can still feel his year old body snuggling next to mine, his head bumping against my chin and his feet draped on either side of my body has he snuggled into me. I can still smell that baby shampoo in his hair mixing with scent that was his. I remember the feel of those footed pajamas, the fuzzy body, the vinyl feet, the zipper pressing into my chest. The heavy weight of my little boy as he just snuggled. It's such a vivid memory...where did that little boy go?
Now, he's six foot tall. He hugs me, and it's my head that bumps into his chin. A man has taken the place of my baby boy. I can still see my baby in this man, but never again will his head rest under my chin with his legs wrapped around my waist. Never again will he be my little boy.