Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Grandma is coming home. Except she's not.

See, she's been at another Nursing Home for a few weeks. They've been doing a mental evaluation on her. She's been depressed, and she's been childish and somewhat mean to the nurses. So, rather than keeping her drugged up all the time, they suggested to Mom and Sandy that she go for an evaluation.

I'm not sure what they decided, but they are sending her back today. And, she's going to the hospital because she has pneumonia. Which isn't a good thing for an 85 year old woman who probably only weighs 85 lbs.

I'm glad she'll be back in familiar territory, but I can't help but wonder if this is the end.

And, I'm so conflicted about how I feel about that.

Relief. Guilt because it would be a relief.

Fear. Because the holiday season is going to be hard on my Mom as it is. I don't want to add to it.

Hope. In a way, I hope it is the end, so that we can get this over with...which brings on the guilt again. And, yet, I hope that we'll see Grandma again.

See, the woman who is living in my Grandma's body isn't my Grandma.

My Grandma is already gone. Yet this person is still here, and she brings out these conflicting emotions and feelings.

I'm glad that Grandma is coming back. Except, she's not really coming back, and she'll never really be back...

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